he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize