my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we made out on top of his cat.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
