I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
