Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
