Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
