it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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