Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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