Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
