I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
