Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
please come you make the beer taste better
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
