Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
