It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
