so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize