I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
