yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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