at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
