youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
