made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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