wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
