I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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