if you like me you must not know who I am
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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