I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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