Don't make out with my wife yet
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
