So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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