I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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