my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
