im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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