problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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