I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
