my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
