The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
