How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
