After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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