Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
