I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
