not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
