so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
