i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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