one two three fourrrrnication!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
