does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
