i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
