Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
