Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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