Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
