i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I need water and some morals
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
