Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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