looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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