PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
