FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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