I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
