I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
