i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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