you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
