i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
