Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
