508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
