Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
