I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
