I wanna bring you to show and tell
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
