Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
