There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
