my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i've created a new STD.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
