We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
