I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
