I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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