You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
