I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
