Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
