my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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