I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
