i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize