told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
