drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
