the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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