every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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