We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
no, he came in my armpit
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
