watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize