I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
