How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
