chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
