You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize