so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
