If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
