1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
