he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
