I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
