I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
