Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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