turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
