i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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