Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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