You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
