Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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