And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
