now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
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