we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
